my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
