i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
