super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
