he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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