i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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