There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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