I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
