just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
