Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
