why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
