even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
