im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
