Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize