It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
