It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
