mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
