He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
