Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
