you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
