I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
