i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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