shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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