it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
