lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
