okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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