your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
