We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
