sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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