This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
