captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize