The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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