guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
