Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
