Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
