She went from zero to smokin in five shots
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
