***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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