I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
