dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
