i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
