Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
did i just pee glitter
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