I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
