hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
