Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
