So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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