Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
