Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
