I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
