The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
