I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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