I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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