Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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