3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When are your genitals available?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
