I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
