Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
