He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
