I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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