this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
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Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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