Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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