I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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