Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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