I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
