I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
