I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
