I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
