You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
