We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize