We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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