We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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