why didn't you poke me back
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
