I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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