Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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