I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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